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In love with friend and not sure what to do
Thu, 10.06.2010, 23:29:15
Post: #1

In love with friend and not sure what to do
I have been in love with my friend for about 2 years now and I am not sure what exactly I should do. I have known her for about 4 years during which we have been good friends and we have become a lot closer lately. She currently has a boyfriend of a couple years and before him I know we almost had sex a couple times. She said she is trying to break up with him but she is finding it hard because he really hasn't done anything wrong but she feels he isnt the right person for her. She called him a week ago and tried to break it off but i guess he ended up talking her out of it.

About a month or two ago I told her I had feelings for her one night but I didn't want to come in between her and her bf. She paused for about 5 seconds when i told her i knew she didn't think about me like that and said she thought i was a really good friend. I am not sure if i completely believe her on her response because of some of the things she does and has done in the past. Things such as holding my hand in the bar sometimes, sleeping in the same bed, talking constantly, getting close sometimes, and having resentment for anyone i have had sex with or trying to convince me to not have sex with people.

There was no awkwardness after me telling her and we still talk just about everyday even though she lives 2 hours away and remain great friends. When I told her i had feelings for her (i never admitted i was in love with her) it couldnt have come as a huge shock due to the fact that i told her friend about 3 months prior and her friend had told me she told her.

I thought it would make things easier by telling her and getting it over with but in fact it has actually made things worse. I thought i would be able to get over her after telling her but i have realized that my feelings are too strong to ever be over her with her in my life. I think about her constantly and can't get her out of my mind. I don't think i would wait around for her if the opportunity arose for me to be with someone else i truely liked but now i think it would be harder as i would most likely compare the new girl to my friend.

I am at a loss of what i should do about this. I have been thinking lately of telling her that i can't continue the friendship due to my feelings for her but I am not entirely sure if i can/should do it due to the fact i am such good friends with her and shes such a major part of my life. There is also the fact that she may break up with her bf soon and who knows what could happen then. On the other hand i am scarred to see her single as seeing her with someone new or even knowing about it would make me feel like * * * * . I also have suspicions that she might even have cheated on her bf at least once but i can't be positive about that.

I would appreciate any advice anyone has for me.
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Thu, 10.06.2010, 23:32:21
Post: #2

RE: In love with friend and not sure what to do
I'm sorry that you are going through this rough time with having feelings for your friend. She already told you that she wants to remain friends when you told her, right?

Even if she hasn't, when you told her, she didn't share the same feelings & she does have a boyfriend.

If you feel like you can't continue to be her friend because you have these strong feelings for her, then it may be best for you to break off the friendship. The only 1 hurting here all the time is YOU. She is going about her business, with her boyfriend & doing what she wants. While you are on the sidelines, missing her, thinking of her & hurting because you can't be with her.

Do you really think if you stayed friends with her that you could continue the way you are now for a long time to come?
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Thu, 10.06.2010, 23:39:43
Post: #3

RE: In love with friend and not sure what to do
yeah i agree, i think i will take your advice and break things off with her.
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Thu, 10.06.2010, 23:41:07
Post: #4

RE: In love with friend and not sure what to do
I am sorry to hear that you are in such a place from which you find no way out. You said that she is a really good friend of yours and from what I read, a really imortant part of your life. I see this ending two different ways for you.

1) Since you really have strong feelings about her and she has not showed much interest in you, whether it is because of her current BF or whatever her justification is, it has become really hard for you to stay friends and not have those feelings come roaring back everytime you are with her. You can break up your friendship and go different ways. Assuming you break off all the communication and such : What would happen if she breaks off things with her current BF and is then single, and you could not ask her out now because you broke off the contact? If things go sour between her and the BF, where would she find her dear friend to help her through? If you find out that she is single, after you broke off the friendship and communication,would you be willing to ask her out/be in a relationship with her assuming you are still single and have not found someone?

2) What do you want from future and if she is about to break up with her BF, is she willing to give you an oppurtunity for a relationship? How much longer are you willing to wait to see if she is willing to give you a chance? Do you really think that she is the ONLY person in the world to make you feel the way you do and those feeling can't be duplicated by someone else?

If I was in your position and she was my really good friend and also an important part of my life, then personally, I would rather have her in my life as a friend than not at all. I am saying that because relationships change over time, but the foundation on which they were made upon in the beggning, do not.

These are the questions you need to ask your self before making any decision. We can give you advice but all the advice in the world would not help you if thats not what your heart truely wants.

Hope I was of help.
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